Best, worst & funniest excuses from your opponent (or you) for losing a game unexpectedly...

I'll start by stating the obvious. I'm quite low-rated, and I lose a lot of games because I am still a beginner. But sometimes I cause an upset and beat someone higher-rated than me. Quite often, rather than just taking it on the chin and congratulating me, they will offer me some reason/excuse as to why this happened, in an attempt to salvage some dignity and pride. Let's be honest, for SOME guys, it is probably worse that they got beaten by a girl...

Here we go:

"I probably shouldn't have been playing bridge at the same time" well, now you know ;)
"I was giving the cat medicine" ok, I'll admit this would tilt anyone, cats and medicine is a bad combo
"I just forgot to bring my brain to the game today" yes, you did...clearly
"I'm not well today" get well soon xxx
"I'm very tired" yeah, me too buddy, always...
"I'm a bit drunk" have another one, want a rematch? xD
"my kids were getting in my face" *relatable*
"my internet is bad today" unlucky
"I had to go and be sick mid-game" Ooof TMI
"You must be a sandbagger (!!!)" (thought that was a bit rude!)
"I just move too quickly, maximum 5 seconds per move, if I had spent more time I would have beaten you" (in 2-day correspondence) no words here...you had 2 days...
"You must be underrated" I have faith in the Lichess rating algorithms

And I have to say, I believed most of them...

please add yours below...

After joining a 60 min game after 2 mins they say I've gotta go ,please offer draw , but I'm sure you get more excuses cause you're a female , doesn't happen to us blokes , as much , I don't think .xxx

@QueenRosieMary Is one of these mine? LOL LOL LOL I've given up on correspondence now btw, I was not kidding.
xD

@ebk1976 said in #3:
> @QueenRosieMary Is one of these mine? LOL LOL LOL I've given up on correspondence now btw, I was not kidding.
> xD

No, none of them are yours unless you want to jointly claim the 5 seconds per move one that originally belongs to someone else (MC).
When I saw you had posted here, my first thought was that you were publishing the excuses I offered you after THAT excruciating blunder in our first correspondence game...finger slip on phone screen/half asleep/no contact lenses/moved the wrong pawn etc.. LMAO!!! But thankfully no one ever needs to know about that one ;)

Definitely my mom cutting out the wifi. I play chess a lot (and rage when I lose, especially to a player 200+ points lower rated than me), which leads to my mom taking out the wifi.

:(

@QueenRosieMary Your chess is too cute...it melts my brain...

I don't like playing fast time-controls because, for some damn reason, I ALWAYS end up needing to use the Toilet in the middle of the damn match...

Some guy was yapping in my DMs with excuses about not being in the right mind after I beat him in a game whilst under a 24-hour sleep deprived EEG. LOL.

The 2 most common excuses I heard are bad internet connection and problems with the mouse. I was also often told I won because I was lucky.

@Katoh1 said in #9:
> The 2 most common excuses I heard are bad internet connection and problems with the mouse. I was also often told I won because I was lucky.

Honestly though, I'm pretty inclined to believe it if someone told me that they had bad internet or mouse issues. My trackpad acts really funky sometimes and it is literally the most tilting thing every when I move the queen or some other piece to a square where it can be taken by literally by every piece that the opponent owns, like how I played Bc6 in 0.64 seconds, effectively losing a drawn endgame by a mouseslip.

For bad internet, it's just as frustrating as a mouseslip. Watching in desperation as the red rectangle at the bottom saying "reconnecting" is frankly one of the most tilting things on the website, especially as you watch the clocking moving.